I've done a bad thing, and although it turned out OK, I'm not entirely pleased with meself.
But I need to share my shame.
Emote a little, perhaps.
Throw myself on your mercy.
But where to start...?
Well, I hate to admit that over the last few weeks, I have somewhat mis-led the house,
with my only slight defence being that it was in a good cause.
You see, my catalogue of disasters, as far as the quite lush The Porn Shop One and it's graceless decline go, weren't in fact true.
There I said it, and I can only apologise to my mythically regular reader.
What, really happened was that I had agreed to sell it to a top geezer called Chris, of Gorman fame, once it was finished.
Don't be surprised, it happens.
However, a spanner was thrown sometime between these two events, when his rather nefarious yet utterly fantastical other half - we'll call her "Tasha" for the purposes of this wee note, mainly as it is her name - got in touch on the QT and asked if she could instead buy it for him as a birthday present, and before that feted day unveil a sadistic series of catastrophic bobbins, that would convince Chris that the guitar had in fact been knackered up in a big way.
This, at least, I hope I managed to do...
Anyway, Chris was celebrating being 21-again yesterday, and is now The Porn Shop One's proud owner (I hope proud, anyway, maybe relieved at least.)
So, rather belatedly, may I introduce you to The Porn Shop One, which has spent the last month or so living in a loft in Scotland, like Robert The Bruce, or was it King Alfred in between burning cakes, I forget.
But The Porn Shop One, for the record, is a Red Cedar bodied Telemaster, with a lovely maple neck, traditionally cool Wilkinson ashtray bridge and cover.
Pickups are Bare Knuckle - "The Boss" at the bridge and a "Piledriver" stealthily hidden beneath the Esquire pickguard/scratchplate thing.
Gretsch knobs, set it off a tee and not forgetting the rather amazing Rusted Iron finish.
Bit of a Rustburst as it happens...
I must have been feeling a bit artistic that week.
So there we are. Chris should also have another wee box with the 80s-tastic The Bye Bye Buy One in it, but he probably hasn't noticed that yet, too busy constructing Voodoo dolls and sharpening pins, i would imagine.
So in summary - sorry for the deception - and Chris,
please, please, please don't kill me.
And remember,
it could have been socks,
know what I mean?
About The Porn Shop One
The Porn Shop One is one of the first Jooky Guitars to feature a rusted iron paint finish both to the body and the headstock. This is a tricky old effect to pull off – the iron really has to rust – but we are all plumped up feather-wise and proud of the result.
The guitar is of course based on a guitar that never really happened, a Telemaster, which is a mangled mongrel of a bitsa based on a Fender Jazzmaster and Telecaster colliding in a morphing thing. The body is made from Red Cedar and rings quite sweetly, having a Jazzmaster shape, with Telecaster Esquire ‘appointments’ and a lovely Telecaster Maple neck. Actually, it looks incredible. I am not too proud to avoid the facts…
Pickup-wise, the Porn Shop One is rather interesting. At the bridge is a handwound Bare Knuckle ‘The Boss’, while nestled beneath the scratchplate is a rather cool yet somewhat hot Bare Knuckle Piledriver. This combination gives some quite stunningly cool, yet groovily wicked tones and we think you’ll enjoy exploring them. With a bit of fuzz and overdrive it can be a bit of a monster. With reverb it is like an angel sipping water from the font, gargling and then getting all operatic on us.
*
To be clear, The Porn Shop One is an utterly unique guitar, and there will never, ever, be another made. It is signed and numbered, entirely hand built and finished cooler than a pleasant night checking the ingrowing nail on your sixth toe on the backporch of your shack. There will genuinely never be another guitar like this and past experience suggests that it won’t be around for long.
Technical Stuff:
Type: Cilla’s Rusty Iron Guitar
Pickups: Bare Knuckle ‘The Boss’ (bridge), Bare Knuckle ‘Piledriver’ (neck)
Guitar Type: Red Cedar Telemaster body, Maple/Maple Telecaster Neck
Construction: Corroded Iron Paint over wood body, maple neck, maple fretboard
Strings: Nickel 10s
Output: ¼” Guitar Lead
Controls: Volume, Tone, Three-way Switch
Special Stuff: Certificate of Authenticity, Builder Signed and Numbered, All Wrapped with our Trademark Jooky Wrapping.
Serial Number: JGE#27
RSP: £799
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